New Beginnings Start Every Day.

Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.

~Mary Pickford

In the past few weeks I have completely neglected updating this blog. We are coming up on a month of not updating tomorrow and honestly I can say I have no excuse as to why.

I have either neglected to work out as much, or completely neglected working out on the whole. To top the matter off for the past week I have been sick and unable to leave my room let alone work out... I fear that part of that is me not wanting to. I often wonder if I am self sabotaging myself in almost every aspect of my life.

I know that when I wake up early and do things I feel better... Not only do I feel healthier but I feel better about myself. I need to stop making excuses and start making the time to improve myself as I have previously said I would.

Going to the doctor I found out I lost over 9cm (around 4inches)from my waist since I last saw him. My starting weight was 135 kg (297 lbs), and I am now down to 123 kg (270.6 lbs). That is a total loss of 12 kg (26 lbs). I plan to stick to my plans and scheduals for the next few months, with Saturday and Sundays as my designated 'rest' days. It should be easier considering I have mapped out my day with ideas of what I should be doing with over 8 hours of 'free time' and 9 hours of sleep planned.

Now that I no longer have a URI I feel even more like I need to do these things. I can conquer anything I put my mind to. I am simply happy I didn't go backwards in my progress, despite my falling behind.

--A.E.

As written last night... but Blogger was down...

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I’ve ended up where I needed to be.

– Douglas Adams

Over the past three days now, I have let myself slip. Of course I know I have the ability inside myself somewhere, but I fear I lack the drive. I would like to believe this will be the first and last attempt, but when it comes down to it, I don't think I have the full support I need.

Don't get me wrong, my mum and sisters are supportive, but when it comes to my dietary changes that need to happen.... they aren't there. I know I should curb my portions, but that seems to make little difference when one night you are eating chineese food, and the next night it is pizza. What I really need to do is start making seperate meals, refuse temptation, and kick this up a notch.

I don't want those custard filled dounuts from Dunkin' Dounuts, they taste so good for about five seconds, then it is over. There is nothing significant gained from it, not even contentment.... because I hate myself afterwards.

I hate this body, and it's all my fault. I feel like losing all of this will never be finished. I know this journey will never be done I will start planning my meals a weak in advance and start giving mum the list of things I need for my new dietary plan.... I think this may mean joining SparkPeople for a 'real' count of things. Perhaps I will also record all my numbers in there for the best possible outcome.

Today I walked a mile, yesterday I took a day off, the day before I walked two miles.

Goals:

• Join Spark People
• Lose 10 kilos by the end of June.
• Track input, and output- at least estimates
• Get healthier amounts of sleep
• Stop feeling and being so inactive
• Do more of the things I day dream about
• Discover more time in a day.
• Look into learning French.