As written last night... but Blogger was down...

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I’ve ended up where I needed to be.

– Douglas Adams

Over the past three days now, I have let myself slip. Of course I know I have the ability inside myself somewhere, but I fear I lack the drive. I would like to believe this will be the first and last attempt, but when it comes down to it, I don't think I have the full support I need.

Don't get me wrong, my mum and sisters are supportive, but when it comes to my dietary changes that need to happen.... they aren't there. I know I should curb my portions, but that seems to make little difference when one night you are eating chineese food, and the next night it is pizza. What I really need to do is start making seperate meals, refuse temptation, and kick this up a notch.

I don't want those custard filled dounuts from Dunkin' Dounuts, they taste so good for about five seconds, then it is over. There is nothing significant gained from it, not even contentment.... because I hate myself afterwards.

I hate this body, and it's all my fault. I feel like losing all of this will never be finished. I know this journey will never be done I will start planning my meals a weak in advance and start giving mum the list of things I need for my new dietary plan.... I think this may mean joining SparkPeople for a 'real' count of things. Perhaps I will also record all my numbers in there for the best possible outcome.

Today I walked a mile, yesterday I took a day off, the day before I walked two miles.

Goals:

• Join Spark People
• Lose 10 kilos by the end of June.
• Track input, and output- at least estimates
• Get healthier amounts of sleep
• Stop feeling and being so inactive
• Do more of the things I day dream about
• Discover more time in a day.
• Look into learning French.

We Are Okay, We Are Alright

You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.

– Margaret Young

My accomplishments, if weighed by some imaginary scale, are low today. I started a hat for my sister, walked one kilometer (approximately .65 miles, but it was on a 6 incline), cleaned the kitchen and did three loads of dishes... Mostly I day dreamed, and actually slept.

I have come to the conclusion that I am in need of several things before I get myself into an actual healthier lifestyle. One of those things is a loud, hopefully very annoying, alarm clock. I need a diary to schedual my days, and possibly a wall calendar, because I can honestly say that half the time I don't notice what day it is let alone what I am accomplishing, if anything.

My goals for the upcoming month are as follows:

1. Stabilize my sleeping patterns.
2. Have a more healthy eating regime
   -including adding a meal and proper snacks to my list of things to eat
3. Use the treadmill when I wake up in the morning, and before I go to sleep (at the very least).
4. Find a god damned hula hoop to use at least five times a week at an hour each (I want to get good at it, this number may increase.)
5. Set time away each day for my art
6. Get involved in the artist community here in Auckland, even if it's just looking and critiquing others art here in the city.
7. Read three books.
8. Help motivate others in their goals, and in general be a more supportive friend.

Tomorrow is mothers day here in New Zealand, so to my mother and all mothers out there, Happy Mothers Day. I hope your day finds you with hope, joy, and love.

-A.E.