Boom boom Pow

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

—Will Rogers

I must admit, I think I have a severe case of the Winter Blues.

It has been almost a week since I have updated. Time sure does fly when you're busy. In the past week I have worked out most of the days, cleaned some, and tried to stabalize myself.

This weeks lesson for me was about emotional health. I plan to quit smoking, as it is an unhealthy crutch. The medicine I plan to be on to help me with this is also an antidepressant.

Mum and I are going to be going to the community center here, for healthy activities like Tai Chi, Yoga, and walking groups... But it is also greatly for our own social benifit, as we could both use friends in the area. Kaity and I might also start doing ZUMBA, though I am not quite sure how to feel about this... I feel silly.

My weight has been stable, I am not gaining or losing anything, and I think most of this is attributed to my eating habits. Mum and I are going to start weigh ins on Mondays of each week. She is going to order more salad like things, which I think is brilliant.

-- A.E.

Child, be still.

"Each time we don't say what we want to say, we're dying. Make a list of how many times you died this week."

-Yoko Ono

As someone who has been larger for the bulk of my life, I have always prided myself on at least being an intelligent, outspoken young woman. A unique individual who has fought for the rights of equality for everyone with no race, gender, or sexual preference bias. I have taken comfort in the fact that I have a loving family to fall back to when my world crumbles. As a young adult, my life has felt like it's crumbled quite a bit.

I enjoy good debates, I enjoy intellectually stimulating conversation... I have to say that tonight when I engaged in a political debate it was all good and fun until they brought my age into it. It made me upset to have people dismiss my opinions because I am young. Worse than that, they dismissed my points though all they had was speculation and personal feelings on the subject based on their own political allegiances, and accused me of basically being a sheep, molded by a failing left wing agenda.

It was all fine and well, I felt slighted and shot down based on my age and being outnumbered, nothing incredibly emotional there. What really upset me was when a family member decided to attack me because I no longer live in the United States of America, but in New Zealand with my mum and sisters. It put salt on the wound. I don't care that my family may have a different opinion than I do, but to state that I have no right to formulate my own opinions due to living outside of the country I grew up in? It made me so angry, and so upset I wanted to cry.

After a little while of thinking about it, and ten to fifteen minutes of jump roping I decided it wasn't worth it to be upset about it. Nothing further has come of it, and I don't expect it to.

I am taking these steps to improve myself, whether others see or know what I am doing doesn't mean they understand who I am, or what I am going through. Though at times I have been highly emotional, I have never been a very open person; a problem I am currently trying to revise.

The past two days I have spent less time than I should working on my physical self, though I have been so surprisingly keen on self reflection and emotional evolution. The other night my mum and I sat down to watch Downton Abby (which is brilliant so far), and we paused the episode talking about the caste system of English society. Eventually our conversation progressed to my personal, romantic relationships. Through the conversation we expressed our lives and relationships... I was so close to breaking down, I cried a bit talking of previous lovers, and partners I had never told her about... Most importantly we talked about my deep and unwavering, though at times convoluted relationship with Jersey. She is my constant. Even through the worst of times we have broken through the hard times.

I think I will break through these (mentally and emotionally) hard times. I have the support system I think I need. We will see with time.

-A.E.